Husband 101
Letter to complaint dept.
Last year
I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0
and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes
to the accounting software, severely limiting access to wardrobe,
flower, and jewelry applications that operated flawlessly under Boyfriend
5.0. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalls many other valuable programs
such as Dinner-Dancing 7.5, Cruise-Ship 2.3, and Opera-Night 6.1
and installs new, undesirable programs such as Poker-Night 1.3,
Saturday-Football 5.0, Golf 2.4 and Clutter-Everywhere 4.5. Conversation
8.0 no longer runs, and invariably crashes the system. 
Under no circumstances will it run Diaper-Changing 14.1 or House-Cleaning
2.6. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix Husband 1.0, but this
all purpose utility is of limited effectiveness. Can you help please!!!!
Jane
Dear Jane:
This is a very common problem women complain about, but is mostly due
to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Boyfriend 5.0
to Husband 1.0 with no idea that Boyfriend 5.0 is merely an
ENTERTAINMENT package.
However,
Husband 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and was designed by its creator to
run as few applications as possible Further, you cannot purge Husband
1.0 and return to Boyfriend 5.0 , because Husband 1.0 is not designed
to do this. Hidden operating files within your system would cause
Boyfriend 5.0 to emulate Husband 1.0, so nothing is gained. It is
impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system,
once installed.
Any new program files can only be installed once per year, as Husband
1.0 has severely limited memory. Error messages are common, and a
normal part of Husband 1.0 In desperation to play some of their
"old time" favorite applications, or to get new applications
to work, some women have tried to install Boyfriend 6.0, or Husband 2.0.
However, these women end up with more problems than encountered with Husband
1.0. Look in your manual under
"Warnings: Divorce-Child Support".
You will notice that this program runs very poorly, and comes bundled
with Heart-Break 1.3
I recommend you keep Husband 1.0, and just learn the quirks of this
strange and illogical system. Having Husband 1.0 installed myself,
I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General
Partnership Faults (GPFs).
This a wonderful feature of Husband 1.0, secretly installed by the parent
company as an integral part of the operating system. Husband 1.0 must
assume ALL responsibility for ALL faults and problems, regardless of root
cause. To activate this great feature enter the command "C:\
I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME" Sometimes-Tears
6.2 must be run simultaneously while entering the command. Husband 1.0
should then run the applications Apologize 12.3 and Flowers-Chocolates
7.8.
TECH TIP!
Avoid excessive use of this feature. Overuse can create additional
and more serious GPFs,
and ultimately YOU may have to give a C:\
APOLOGIZE command before the system
will return to normal operations. Overuse can also cause Husband 1.0 to
default to GrumpySilence 2.5, or worse yet,Beer 6.0 Beer 6.0
is a very bad program that causes Husband 1.0 to create FatBelly
files and Snoring Loudly wave files that are very hard to delete.
Save yourself some trouble by following this tech tip Just remember!
The system will run smoothly, and take the blame for all GPFs,
but because of this fine feature it can only intermittently run all the
applications Boyfriend 5.0 ran .
Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot
learn new applications quickly. Consider buying additional software
to improve performance.
I personally recommend HotFood 3.0, Lingerie 5.3 and Patience
10.1. Used in conjunction, these utilities can really help keep
Husband 1.0 running smoothly. After several years of use, Husband
1.0 will become familiar and you will find many valuable embedded features
such as FixesBrokenThings 2.1, Snuggling 4.2 and BestFriend 7.6.
A final word of caution!
Do NOT,
under any circumstances, install MotherInLaw 1.0. This is not a supported
application, and will cause selective shut down of the operating system.
Husband 1.0 will run only 9.4 and 5.2 until MotherInLaw 1.0 is uninstalled.
I hope these notes have helped. Thank you for choosing to install
Husband 1.0 and we here at Tech Support wish you the best of luck in coming
years. We trust you will learn to fully
enjoy this product!"
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